The Hidden Dangers Of Unsolicited Advice

Podcast Episode

There I was, standing outside my single wide mobile home, hooking up our camp trailer, preparing for a weekend camping trip.

Some family members were there visiting and in the midst of the conversation, one of them says, ‘I can’t believe your wife puts up with this.’

Puts up with what, I ask?

‘Puts up with you keeping your family cramped in this little shack.’

This person was referring to the home we were living in at the time which, yes, was a trailer house.

The person who made this statement was driving a luxury car and living in a mansion.

Was this advice I should have taken?

You see, we were living in the trailer because we had thought things through and decided that we wanted to keep our expenses low so we could have the financial flexibility to pursue our dreams which, at the time, was to become successful building residual income in network marketing model.

We had our own reasons for choosing to live in the trailer, that this person who gave this cutting, unsolicited advice was not privy to.

This unsolicited advice was coming from someone who, on the outside, was living a much more successful life than we were.

Follow advice from people who are more successful than you, they say…

It’s not that simple.

Unsolicited Advice

On my journey, I’ve found it is, important to follow good advice, but it’s not always clear on what good advice is, or where it comes from.

In this post, I want to try and help add a little bit of clarity to this question.

Specifically, I want to talk about unsolicited advice.

I think this can be valuable for a couple of different groups of people.

First, if you’re someone who tends to give others unsolicited advice (advice that wasn’t asked for) I think this post can be valuable because as you read, you’ll discover how doing this can actually repel people from you and prevent you from getting the results you want.

I also think this post can be valuable for successful home business entrepreneurs who get unsolicited advice from people, so you can know how to handle this in the best way, in a way that helps others, preserves the mission, grows people and the team.

Over the course of my 10 plus years, doing business from home, I have, many times received unsolicited advice from people.

In day to day life, we’re sort of used to this because typically one of the things that people love to do is share their opinions.

In business, it’s a little different though, because if you’re someone who is successful and has produced a lot of results and you’re getting, unsolicited advice from someone who hasn’t produced the results that you have, It sometimes feels a little strange when people try to give you advice you didn’t ask for, and you wonder why is this happening?

That’s the first thing that I want to cover, why is this happening?

Why Do People Give Unsolicited Advice And What’s The Best Way To Respond When You Get It?

This is really important to understand.

The reason people give unsolicited advice, usually, is because they have really good intentions. And usually people who give this advice, they love the person that they’re giving the advice to. And maybe they see something that this person is doing that they think they could do in a better way, so out of love, they send advice to this person.

This is really important to understand, because as a leader, one of the things you never want to do is push people down.

You always want to lift people up.

So when you get this unsolicited advice, it’s tempting for the ego to respond in a way where it kind of throws the itself around and slap the person in the face a bit.

Knee jerk responses like…

Who are you to be giving me this advice?

What results have you produced?

It’s important that we catch ourselves here because if we respond to people in the wrong way, it can really hurt them rather than lift them up, and that’s never helpful… for them or for us.

And so if you’re a leader, leading people, and you’re getting unsolicited advice, the first big lesson to keep in mind is you always want to coach out of love and never out of ego.

Simply thank the person and allow some time to pass as you think about how to best coach the person who sent you the advice in a way that serves both of you.

And Here’s My Best Advice For People Who Give Unsolicited Advice

The first lesson to really allow to sink deeply is this…

Napoleon hill taught that successful people seek counsel and they avoid opinions.

There’s a big difference between counsel and opinion.

Counsel comes from people who have achieved greater results then you have, in the specific subject area you’re working on.

A successful attorney may have great law advice, and terrible home business advice.

This means a successful person can give counsel in some areas and opinions (or bad advice) in others.

Usually what successful, self-aware people do, is look for counsel.

They’re out there looking actively for people who have achieved bigger results, and better results in the specific areas they are wanting to improve in.

They’re actively looking to take advice from those types of people.

The other thing that successful people do is have a shield around their brain that just deflects opinions, like they’re these weak little arrows that just hit their shield, break and crumble to the ground.

The successful person just ignores these little ‘opinion arrows’ and keeps moving on.

So the first question to ask before you ever try to give someone unsolicited advice is this,

Is what I’m about to say counsel or opinion?

There’s a really easy way to know the answer to this question.

Is the thing you’re saying coming from a place of, ‘I have achieved better and bigger results than the person I’m giving the advice to in the specific area I’m about to give advice in?

If the answer to that question is no, then odds are, what you’re throwing at the person you’re trying to help is an opinion, and it’s not going to work because the successful person knows it’s an opinion and they’re just not going to listen.

So now your time and efforts have been wasted.

So know the difference between counsel and opinion, this is a really, really great thing to be aware of.

And even if you your unsolicited advice is good, know this before you send it to a successful person…

In my 10 plus years of business can you guess how many times, someone who was more successful than me has sent me unsolicited advice?

Would you be surprised if I said, not even once?

This is because successful people are usually so busy applying their own advice, because they know it’s good, they’re using it get results.

They’re so busy doing this that they never go find people to give advice to that haven’t asked for it.

So if you’re temped to give unsolicited advice, here’s something to really consider.

If this advice is so good, maybe I should apply it more in my own business, get more results, get more results, get more results.

If you do this, and do this and keep doing this, people (both successful and not yet successful people) will begin to seek you out and ask for your advice.

And when people ask for advice, the advice then given has a MUCH higher probability of making a difference.

And that’s the other thing to realize about giving advice, unsolicited advice, even if it’s good, even if it’s council, it usually does not fall on ear ears that are willing, anxious and excited to apply, if it’s unsolicited.

We can thank human nature for this strange truth.

All people in general are usually seeking out our own solutions.

We want to be the ones who know what we need and we want to be the ones to find what we need.

This makes it so, when people just throw ideas at us that we didn’t ask for, or give our permission to have thrown at us, these ideas usually just fall to the ground rejected and unaccepted.

So again, this post hopefully, is helpful for leaders who’re receiving unsolicited advice.

Respond with love, respond with care, and understand that this advice is always, usually given from a place of the highest intention.

People really just want to help us and do the best that they can to be a value to us and be of value to the world.

So please understand that these people are coming from a place of really, really high intentions and they deserve to be treated in the best way as we continue to love them, lift them, and lead them by example.

If you’re getting some unsolicited advice and you really want to help the person who’s sending it, maybe this post could be a great resource to share to help that person.

And again, if you’re in the habit of giving unsolicited advice, just ask yourself, is this advice counsel or opinion?

And if it is counsel, maybe the better decision would be to take that advice, apply it in your own business, apply it in your own business, apply it in your own business to get results, get results, get results, and as you do that, people will seek you out for your advice.

And then, when people seek you out for your advice, and they’re literally asking,

‘Hey, I need your advice on this.

Can you help me with this?’

Then, and only then will your advice hit the mark you want it to hit and make the difference you want it to make.

Thanks for reading and whatever you do,

Always go for your dreams!

Paul